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Trabaho

HINDI NAGTRABAHO – After graduation, though hindi pa naman naging tayo agad, hindi ako naghanap ng work. Initially because gusto ko magpahinga at magsaya. Nag stay rin samin si Kevin bago sya mag migrate sa US so the plan is lubos lubosin narin namin, Then ayun, nag reconnect tayo from a brief disconnect. Ang alam ko tambay buddy tayo sa pres o tea bago ang graduation pero something happened that we just stopped interacting. Then nung nag greet ka sakin nung graduation, ayun bumalik. Nag ka ayaan sa EK, then ayun puro na pasyal ginawa nating magbarkada.

Fast forward sa tayo na – Honestly, gusto kitang suportahan dahil na delay ka sa pag graduate at may mga subjects kapang need i fulfill like chemistry na napaka hirap for me. Gusto ko tuwing mag rereview ka, gagawa ka ng school related, kung need mo ng kasama ay nandoon ako for you. I just genuinely care about you – fuck work.

Then nag ka work ako after 1 year, at yun ay after mo mag ka work. Gusto ko kasi talaga ikaw yung una magka work. Kasi pag nag ka work ako, tapos wala kapa, baka makadagdag yun sa depression mo. Not to mention pag may work na ako, hindi kita masusuportahan ng lubos sa paghahanap mo. Physically and mentally gusto ko andun ako for you.

*PS – Namiss ko yung Makati strolls natin, kahit maiinit at napakadaming tao, I am still happy because I am with you*

Nung nag resign ako, at matapos masunugan, hindi ako agad nag hanap ng work. I think the fire tragedy left a scar inside me. Imagine mo, nung nagising ako, puno ng usok at nakikita kong lumiliyab ang bubong namin. Siguro masasabi kong near death experience na yun at sobrang hindi ako makahinga, wala ako makita tumatakbo lang ako palabas ng bahay.  Then I realized, anytime I can fucking die.

Actually the moment na naging tayo, naiisip ko nang pwede ako mamatay anytime. Pretty sure your family isn’t going to be happy about our relationship. I made up my mind, nakapag tinanong nila ako, hindi ko idedeny harap harapan na girlfriend kita – kahit alam kong pwede ko pa ikamatay yun. That’s the decision I made para mag proceed ang relationship natin. Oo takot ako, takot ako na baka ipapatay ako, or yung papa mo na mismo bumaril sakin. I know there’s real danger in what I chose.

So kung mamamatay na rin lang ako, at least sa mga huling panahon ng buhay ko, I spent it with you.

No shit, pwede ko ideny para iligtas ang sarili ko, pwede ako magtago at i abandon ka after nila madiscover para lang ma preserve ang buhay ko.

That’s why this particular thought never left my mind. It gave me a cold feeling of anxiety every night. Syempre pag kasama kita, nadidistract ako pero pag uwi at ako nalang, I think about it.

To summarize, hindi ako nag work kasi gusto kong lubos lubosin yung panahon na kasama kita, kahit na anytime pwede ako mamatay.

I know it may sound like a petty excuse but it is the truth. After 1 year na hindi ako nagwork, isang company lang inapplyan ko, natanggap agad ako. I have no problem with job hunting lalo pa’t HR Recruiter ako.

Long ago, I made a decision about what kind of person I want to be. Since change is constant, parang walang meaning ang mga bagay kung walang word of honor. Alam kong lagi ako late at palpak sa usapang oras, pero when it comes to things like this, I try my very best to keep my word.

You were my girlfriend, and I had no intention of denying it to anyone – regardless of its consequence.

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